Letters to Delilah

Hello My Sweet Baby Kitten Delilah, I have had some scary times lately, times when I was extremely sad. I have also had physical things happen. Something is wrong with my body and I know that if I don't do something different I will die. Not figuratively, I don't have the tendency towards drama Mommy does. When I was really scared and depressed and the fear of death was augmented considerably. What really sucks about this is that when I think of you I get sad, really sad. I miss you so, so much. thinking of you sends me on s spiral of despair. That's not fair. I love you and I want to be able to think about you and remember you and celebrate the time you were in my life and how much I love you. That's why I don't write to you very often frankly, that and a touch of my standard Daddy lameness. Sometimes it's just to much, I start sobbing and I can't do anything much less write. There is some good news. In the past week I have felt good, happy almost. L

 Hello my sweet baby kitten, I hope that time where you are is different. Here it's been a long time since I wrote you a letter, though I promise I think of you more often than that, though less often than I allow myself. I love you and miss you so much that thinking of you is as painful as it is wonderful. Maybe I could think of things in a different light, like imagine being in heaven with you. We could run around. Kitten, we could fly! Are you flying now? These are the sorts of thoughts that have more joy than pain, but still there is pain. Until I am lying beside you and petting you once again there will be pain. I think you may be the thing is life I have loved more than anything, Delilah. Mommy misses you too. She deals with things in different ways, but I have no doubt that she loves you so much. Maybe we will all fly together, but I also know, as does mommy, that there is something special between you and me. From the moment you ran to me in that cellar in Mississippi. I ca

I'm scared kitten. I have some pain in my chest. It's not bad, but It hasn't gone away like it has in the past. Why can't I change my life. Why don't I have the courage to tell Audra about this. She will be so angry with me. Why am I so afraid of her. I get scared like this, decide to change my life, but then I forget. I am so week. I miss you kitten God I miss you so much I can't write you without crying. That's why I don't as often as I should. I was thinking recently about some of the ways I was not a good daddy to you. How I didn't have you fixed as soon as I should and even after I did you would go into heat and yowl. I used to put you in your carrier and stuff it in the closet so I could sleep. I'm sure I was mean to you in other ways too. I'm so sorry. I am sorry I didn't play with you every single day. What I would give for 5 more minutes with my little baby kitten... I had to stop writing earlier. I couldn't go on. I al

Dearest Baby Kitten, I feel adrift. I am so weak and undisciplined. Is there...

I don't how else to say it, I miss you. Your absence hurts, sometimes more than others. I don't even think of it all the time, but your not being in this world anymore is a constant ache that I will never be without entirely. I yearn for you spirit your presence, your love. A lot of people say cats don't really love, only manipulate for their own interests. That's true enough with a lot of cats and you laid down that hand yourself occasionally, as we all do. "Dogs, now that's true love," some say, "such devotion and loyalty!" Well they got that last part right. What so many people don't recognize is that what they see as love is really dependance. A dog's self worth and identity is so tied up in pleasing their master that there is not capacity for real love as I see it. It's adoration for the weak human egos than need it as desperately as the dogs need to fulfill it. It's not a bad match, but love it ain't. Cats won't

My Sweet Baby Kitten, I have discovered a way to remember you, and pay loving tribute to you in a way that doesn't make me cry. But you're not going to like it. It is said that memorials aren't for the dead, but for those they leave behind. In that light I defend my actions and this new policy of mine that brings your name to our lips, but not tears to our eyes, nearly every day. Are you ready? Okay. Whenever I fart. I blame it on you. That's it, that simple. When I expel gas from my ass I say. "Kitten!" in an admonishing tone. I don't know if you were aware of it, but I would occasionally throw you under the farty bus while you were alive. Why not do it now when you cannot defend yourself. If you did we would rejoice in such a haunting... as soon as we recovered from our heart attacks. Oh come on, quit pouting. Shouldn't you be pleased to provide me with such a valuable service, if you can recall, many, many times a day. What's im